Happy Anniversary....
An anniversary of pain,
Of lying broken on a rainslicked road,
And in six years, who's to blame?
If it still hurts to look at myself,
Happy anninversary dear,
And if you still shake when you smell the rain,
And what overcomes you is the terror and fear,
It's nothing, just a memory,
"It's all in your head, it's not real,
There must be something wrong with you,
If that dread's still there for you to feel,
When you walk in the evenings",
Six years went past so quickly, I donnae remember all,
Of the things that I was told, the damage done,
I still remember the cold kiss of ashpalt, the hard fall,
And I'll nae ever forget the pain,
The scars within and without are a reminder of that,
Each time being told that I'd be fine,
With a condesending pat,
They told my family that I'd lose my leg,
I wish they'd never lied,
I might have made some other choices,
Spared myself some pain, might have died,
If I'd known what I was in for,
Hope gained and lost so often, still I tried,
Again home, back again, every time claiming a cure,
Subtle signs of change, and alone I'd know and cry,
The swelling would begin, the pain increase,
And back again, my arms marked with bruises where,
The needle has bit too deep into flesh and vein,
But the morphine made me nae care,
About what was being done to my body,
There's nothing quite like looking down to see,
Pulled back flesh, to expose,
Bone where skin used to be,
"Clean it thrice a day", I was told,
I'm not squeamish, but seeing that there,
Made my stomach turn, still does,
And coming to the realization, the bone laid bare,
Was a part of me, that I made myself ill,
Just looking at myself, frightning indeed,
A monster of stiches, metal pieces and tubes,
I stopped being me, reduced to a creature born of need,
Of pain, of tears, of lost hope,
Final solution, remove the diseased flesh,
Replace the lost muscle with another,
"The body is a spare parts kit, it'll mesh",
"You're worried about nothing.....you'll see",
Nine hours later, I awoke, so weak,
"It was a success" I was told, "it'll nae come back",
I was too tired to ask, to seek,
The answers to the questions I should have asked,
A month and a half in bed again, then home I was sent,
Happy Yule darlin, feeling warm? I ran a fever,
A wound it gaped raw and red, I knew what that meant,
Back to the hospital, two new problems, the leg was fine,
My veins were shot, and my abdomen swelled,
With new infection, had a line sunk in my chest,
When they touched the abdomen, ruddy blood welled,
Back into the eternal night of oblivion for a new change,
Awoke feeling better, until I looked,
Should have known better by this point,
Through the opening tubes were hooked,
But the gaping hole that greeted my gaze,
I looked, looked again, unbeliving that one could live,
Through a wound like this, and still be whole,
"Clean it thrice daily", again the advice they give,
A year later it was still open,
I'll skip the rest of the details, suffice it to say,
I lived through the pain, the wounds and such,
And that's why the way I look today,
Bothers me still,
Happy Anniversary dear, lets go get your mind,
Off the past, go for a walk in the rain,
With the scent of wet leather making me blind,
The shaking hits, paralized with fear,
The child bride of pain has grown,
Innocence gone, never regain,
From Maiden to Crone,
The Woman lost in time,
So happy Anniversary my sweet,
I'll nae ever leave you, your constant companion,
Unless someday you learn to defeat,
The dark street in your mind....
